Transform Your Marriage

Transform Your Marriage

Have you noticed that marriages are being attacked from every direction and functioning on the defensive? With the rise of available technology and high speed internet came an incessant amount of sex, drugs, gambling, etc. just waiting on the other end of a simple click. Sadly, Online addictions at every level of society are rising. I have heard countless women complain of their spouses over the years and state that they “stay” for the sake of the children. Gone are the days when addictions and trauma were the exception not the rule. Issues such as online  pornography and gambling addictions, which lead to betrayal, lack of trust, gaslighting, refusal to “own” their harmful behavior, causing anger and being absent from the family are what I hear often from my clients. Staying together because of the children is not always the right thing to do. It is important to consider what you are teaching them about relationships. Did you know staying in an unhappy marriage can negatively affect your health and well-being, as well as your children’s? Research suggests that unhappily married people have lower self-esteem, life satisfaction, and overall health (think high blood pressure, inflammation, headaches, insomnia) than those who are divorced and unmarried. 

Should I Stay or Should I Go? 

Deciding whether or not to stay in your marriage is a very personal and difficult decision. If you’re dealing with a spouse who has an addiction, anger problems, regularly looks at  pornography or has been unfaithful, staying in that toxic relationship without interventions can lead to various negative outcomes. These can include weight gain, mental illness (depression, anxiety) and heightened or chronic stress levels. Prolonged increase in stress levels can cause changes in brain function, such as memory, learning, decision-making, and attention. Additionally, it can impact your nervous system causing you to remain in fight/flight state and weaken your immune system. Seeking help to stop the effects the trauma has on your mind, body and spirit is essential to stopping the damage it is doing to your body. 

Emerging Stronger: The Path to Healing

Navigating through marital conflict and the betrayal trauma that comes with the discovery of lies, infidelity and/or addictions is not linear and can be emotionally draining. However, there IS good news! It is absolutely possible to recover individually and with your spouse to build a marriage that is even stronger than when you first met and were head over heels in love with each other. How do I know? I’ve experienced it and I now walk in total freedom alongside my husband and we are now happier, more joyful than when we first laid eyes on each other. Our recovery was possible through the help of others and by the healing power of God in our lives. We are now walking out a Kingdom Marriage and living according to the original design that God laid out for marriages. 

It IS possible to discover hope and healing from the trauma, lies, gaslighting, blame, and anger that gets thrown at the spouse after they discover their soulmate and best friend has been living a double life. It’s crucial for women to seek support, whether through friends, family, coaching, therapy or support groups. It’s also essential that they find help from someone who is trained in Trauma Informed Care or who has credentials that help specifically with betrayal trauma. Even better is a trauma coach who has experienced all levels of recovery and inner healing and has overcome their own trauma. A coach who already knows what it takes to overcome the nightmare and who now walks in perfect freedom, peace and joy has what it takes to share their journey and help you overcome your own trauma. Understanding and acknowledging all your emotions, aligning yourself with a qualified support person or coach is key to healing and moving forward after the traumatic  discovery of a spouse’s addiction or harmful behavior.. 

Embracing a New Beginning

Embracing a new beginning after betrayal trauma recovery involves a profound journey of healing, growth, and restoration, especially when navigating the aftermath of a spouse’s addiction and infidelity. Central to this process is the essential requirement that the spouse who has been unfaithful or who has an  addiction must genuinely desire to seek help and address these issues. Without this commitment, true healing and the rebuilding of trust become significantly more challenging and sometimes impossible.

1. Healing the Marriage: When both spouses commit to the recovery process, and allow God into their situation, it opens the door to healing the marriage in profound ways. Rebuilding trust, fostering open communication, and establishing new boundaries are crucial steps towards creating a healthier and more resilient relationship. Each partner’s willingness to confront past hurts, current addictions, infidelity, lies and manipulative behaviors and work through them together and with God’s guidance can lead to a deeper emotional connection and a renewed sense of partnership.

2. Benefits to the Children: A healed marriage provides a stable and secure environment for children, shielding them from the emotional turmoil of discord and uncertainty. Children thrive in homes where they witness healthy relational dynamics, fostering their own emotional well-being and future relationship patterns. The stability of a restored marriage can positively influence children’s academic performance, social interactions, and overall development.

3. Commitment and Effort Required: Navigating betrayal trauma recovery demands substantial commitment and effort from both spouses. It involves confronting painful truths, attending addiction recovery meetings, undergoing individual and couples coaching, and consistently practicing forgiveness and empathy. Despite the challenges, the process is ultimately worthwhile, as it paves the way for personal growth, relational deepening, and a renewed sense of purpose within the marriage.

4. God’s Design for Marriage: Recognizing God’s original design for marriage is truly a game changer. It encompasses principles of love, faithfulness, and mutual support, offering a blueprint for building strong families and communities. Embracing these principles within the context of a Kingdom marriage brings about ultimate restoration and inner healing for both spouses, aligning their relationship with God’s purposes and blessings.

5. Importance of Marriage Coaching: Engaging a skilled marriage coach is invaluable during this journey. A coach who has already healed from betrayal trauma knows what it takes and provides guidance, practical tools, and a neutral perspective essential for navigating complex emotions and facilitating constructive dialogue. Through structured sessions, couples learn how to rebuild trust, stay accountable, improve communication, and cultivate a shared vision for their future, ensuring that the foundation of their renewed marriage is solid and sustainable.

It’s Worth It

While recovering from betrayal trauma and rebuilding a marriage after infidelity or addiction requires immense effort, the rewards are immeasurable. From personal healing and growth to the restoration of a marriage and family unit, each step towards reconciliation strengthens the bonds of love and trust. Trauma recovery, while challenging, can also be a gateway to personal growth and new beginnings. By recognizing and working through these emotional stages, marriages can emerge stronger, more resilient, and ready to embrace their new life together with confidence and a new found hope. Embracing God’s design for marriage and seeking professional guidance through a marriage coach are integral to this transformative journey, paving the way for a Kingdom marriage that brings lasting joy, inner healing, and purpose. Reach out to Nurse Celia to begin your healing and recovery journey  today!

“Be enthusiastic to serve the Lord, keeping your passion toward him boiling hot! Radiate with the glow of the Holy Spirit and let him fill you with excitement as you serve him. Let this hope burst forth within you, releasing a continual joy. Don’t give up in a time of trouble, but commune with God at all times”. Romans 12:12 (TPT)